from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
