I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
