cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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