No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
