I feel like abortions should bother me more
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
