well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
