Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize