areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
