Your tits are I can't wait for
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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