You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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