we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
