Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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