There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize