who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
