omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
someone owes me an orgasm
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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