Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
