If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize