you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
