Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
