someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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