Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
