I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
