be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
