Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
