The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
