Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize