I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
