addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
