real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
