I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
