i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
