It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
