don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
