Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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