You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize