its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
