I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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