Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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