Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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