Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
