im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
