Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
