do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
