Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
