Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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