chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
