Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
