a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
