You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
