Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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