Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
