Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
