final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
