ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
