Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
