In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
