He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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