Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
