He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
