all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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