so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
