Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
