Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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