maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
