Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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