I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Randomize
