My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
